You know that moment when you’re totally fine — until you’re not?

Someone says something, or your plans change suddenly, or you feel a tiny bit rejected… and then? BOOM. The anger rises out of nowhere and it feels impossible to stop it. You either lash out, or shut down. And then feel super embarrassed or guilty afterward.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. This kind of emotional volatility is common for people with ADHD, especially women and femmes who were never taught how to recognize anger early — let alone what to do with it.

I wasn’t always an angry person. In fact, I was the chill friend. The one who laughed things off. The peacekeeper. Until I’d bottle it all up and snap. It took years for me to realize: I wasn’t “overreacting.” I just had ADHD and never learned how to safely feel anger without losing myself in it.

Let’s Talk About ADHD Rage
ADHD anger isn’t just being “moody.” It’s a nervous system response — often triggered by:

Feeling rejected or misunderstood

Sensory overload

Broken routines or plans

Old trauma buttons getting pushed

Trying to express yourself but feeling dismissed

And because our emotions tend to go from 0 to 100 real fast, there’s not always a warning bell. We go from “slightly annoyed” to “absolutely fuming” in the space of a single comment.

Then Comes the Guilt Spiral
After the outburst, we often:

Apologize profusely

People-please to make up for it

Minimize what we wanted in the first place

Repress the anger… until the cycle repeats

This push-pull dynamic is exhausting. But it can change.

So, What Helps?
Name the Emotion Early
Notice what’s underneath the irritation: hurt, overwhelm, insecurity, fear of rejection? Name it before it builds.

Create a Safe Ritual for Anger
Try a 2-minute angry journaling sprint, stomp your feet, shake it out — whatever helps the energy move.

Practice Re-do Conversations
You’re allowed to say, “I didn’t love how I said that earlier — can I try again?”

Learn Emotional Regulation Tools
This is where DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) comes in. It’s helped me personally so much in calming my inner storm.

If you resonated with this post, I created a printable 5 DAY DBT CHALLENGE and it’s completely free!

You deserve to feel in control of your emotions — not the other way around.